Value and Feeling Words

By using value and feeling words you make an unforgettable impression, you can captivate anyone, under any circumstances. Effective notice of value and feeling words is one of the most precious skills you can develop; it will enhance every area of your life, for as long as you make human contact.

People want to be understood and in order to help them feel so, we must listen to the value and feeling words they say, repackage those words, and feed them back in a way that shows our comprehension. This simple activity involves paraphrasing or summarizing.


The measure of a life is not what that life accomplishes but rather the impact that life has on others. Jackie Robinson

Value and Feeling Words

You can make someone feel a genuine connection with you even weeks after a conversation, simply by recalling and repeating what they told you during your dialogue. You need to do more than just blankly agree with them; grunting noises of concurrence will not cut it.

Unforgettable Value and Feeling Words

Repeating what they said verbatim is also not a valid way to create a connection. You must take something they said and play off of it to form an original thought or opinion, even if all you do is paraphrase it in a new way. Using the same value and feeling words as they did helps them feel understood as if you connect with their soul.

To paraphrase well, we must first actively listen to what our conversational partner is saying. Genuine listening creates an atmosphere of trust, honor, and respect. Someone who listens well easily establishes rapport with others and attracts others thanks to their focus on the speaker rather than on themselves. They have a positive energy that makes others desire their company.

Next, repeat the information you heard, saying, “I hear you saying [what you believe their point is]. Is that correct?” If the speaker does not agree, reformulate your ideas about what they told you, and repeat the process to ensure understanding. Remain curious and ask questions to be sure you understand.

When you engage in genuine listening, it can generate a sense of comfort and security that will allow couples to move to the next step. People feel lighter and freer when they are listened to since they no longer must carry the burden of their thoughts alone. When we make the effort to truly listen to others, it is as if an alternating current is recharging us, and we never tire of talking. In pouring out your problem or idea to someone else, you hash it out for yourself and come to find you know what to do next. Sometimes it takes a listening ear to force our thoughts to come to order.

Pay attention to the messages you are sending out with your body while you listen. Stay relaxed; this will portray interest and trust, both of which are needed for people to pour out their inner thoughts to you.

Ask more questions

Begin and End your sentences with “YOU”

  • I believe in you
  • I hear you
  • I understand you
  • You were awesome
  • You rocked it
  • You amaze me

Think back to a time when someone really listened to you. Whether you were in a quiet, private setting or a busy, public place, the focused attention you received made you feel as if you were the only two people in the world. You knew the other person was open to your concerns or ideas. Your partner conveyed a genuine understanding of what you were saying. You felt both heard and understood. This is what you must accomplish for another person in order to leave an unforgettable impression on him or her.

  1. Angry: aggravated annoyed defiant disgusted enraged exasperated frustrated furious hateful hostile indignant infuriated mad obstinate outraged perturbed peeved pissed off rebellious seething spiteful upset vengeful.
  2.  Ashamed: apologetic embarrassed foolish guilty humble idiotic mortified regretful remorseful shameful worthless.
  3. Confident: bold capable centered eager energetic focused grounded hopeful inspired keen optimistic powerful productive strong sure trusting.
  4. Confused: baffled befuddled bewildered disoriented flustered perplexed puzzled scattered troubled unfocused.
  5. Happy: amused cheerful delighted ecstatic elated excited exuberant gleeful high joyful mischievous.
  6. Hurt: abandoned abused attacked belittled bitter cheated disappointed dismayed grieving gypped humiliated mournful sorrowful rejected resentful.
  7. Loving: affectionate aroused caring devoted intimate tender warm.
  8. Sad: despondent depressed dismal low melancholy miserable unhappy weepy
  9. Satisfied: adequate content mellow peaceful pleased.
  10. Scared: afraid alarmed fearful frightened horrified hysterical insecure intimidated nervous panicky petrified terrified threatened vulnerable.
  11. Surprised: aghast amazed astonished astounded incredulous shocked startled.
  12. Thankful: appreciative grateful gratified indebted obliged relieved.
  13. Thoughtful: challenged curious illuminated informed interested pensive reflective.
  14. Uncertain: cynical doubtful dubious distrustful hesitant indecisive pessimistic skeptical suspicious unsure unsettled.
  15. Uncaring: ambivalent apathetic bored busy detached exhausted indifferent lethargic lazy tired unmotivated nonchalant occupied selfish unconcerned.
  16. Wanting: empty envious homesick hungry ignored jealous lonely longing lustful.
  17. Weak: inadequate burdened controlled despairing discouraged helpless hopeless impotent inhibited lost passive powerless restricted suicidal.
  18. Worried: agitated anxious bothered restless tense uneasy unsettled.

Value and Feeling Words – Direct Line

Validation words are the value and feeling words on which your conversational partner puts the particular emphasis. These words are familiar to the and accurately portray their conscious and subconscious feelings about a topic or idea. By using similar words in return, you will be able to tap directly into every level of their thought. After we clarify their point, we validate their opinion, feeling, or expression. This process goes beyond mirroring their point—you must hear what the other person is saying and add the value of your own.

Validation does not necessarily mean agreement, although it’s wise if you verbally affirm whatever you do agree with. For instance, say, “You definitely have a good point about the way your brother handled that, but―” and then you can add your own point of view. As long as your conversational partner feels that you are in harmony with the spirit of their ideas, they will not mind you taking a slightly different perspective.

Pay close attention to their validation words. Use them later in the conversation, and they will subconsciously add you to their mental team. Utilize your imagination when feeding back their validation words, and put them in creative contexts that will further tap into their levels of thought.

This is not a form of trickery or deception. Using someone else’s validation words simply means you understand how they might feel or think about something. Throw your own feeling words into the mix, all the while imagining: if you were them and had experienced the same things, would you feel or think like them?

Eliciting Values

The point of eliciting values from someone is to find out what they want from a relationship. Tune into their dreams so you can then make them a reality. When you ask questions that require them to probe their mental depths and open themselves to you, they will feel closer to you. They may have never shared these fragments about themselves with anyone before, and you may count yourself lucky to be allowed to see these parts of their most intimate selves.

Values are often abstract concepts that people put great emphasis and importance on. Examples of values are the feeling of safety, freedom, excitement and happiness, honesty, respect, kindness, love, and many others. (Just look at pop songs to find out what the culture places value on at any point in time!) Everyone has values, and you can deeply connect with someone by eliciting their values.

Everyone also has needs—from celebrities and gorgeous models to garbage workers and grocery store managers. All people ache for something, crave something they do not have; often it becomes a life goal or an obsession. Pick up on the small cues your conversational partner leaks if you want to discover their need or needs. Intelligently structure your questions to uncover important data. As you sift through their validation words, search for something they always wanted and are not getting right now. Often it will be something they ache for, but can’t have due to some life circumstance. Then, anchor the fulfillment of the need to you! Fill the void by using language patterns to transform yourself into the person that can help them reach that desire.

When you ask questions geared towards eliciting values, make them dig for their answers. They may feel strange as they bare their soul to you, so this is where you shut up and listen, gathering the information you need without barging in to add some of your own.

Values are intangible and mean many different things to different people, so you also need to discover how this individual knows when those values have been met. One of the best ways is to ask them to describe a time when they have experienced the fulfillment of such values.

Here is a situation in which the man is seeking out the woman’s values, and finding out how she knows her values are fulfilled:

Man: So, what is important to you in a person?
Woman: I love big, strong men, and I want to be with someone rich.
Man: How have you felt when you’ve been with a strong, rich man? Why do you seek that?
Woman: Well, it makes me feel safe and free.

Showing Respect

A pause indicates respect. This may seem counterintuitive—as if you are pointedly waiting for them to finish—but, in fact, it shows that you are genuinely considering their words and thoughtfully crafting a response. So when your partner wraps up their turn, pause for a few seconds before reciprocating.

Look at the person who is speaking. Listen with your eyes, your ears, and your mind; you will always get the information you need. Be physically and mentally present at the moment. Match the momentum, tone of a voice, body language, and words used by the speaker.

A little respect goes a long way in listening situations. Respect costs nothing to give; use your common sense and treat others as you want to be treated.

Don’t Hesitate and Don’t Blink

When talking to people, convey that you are unwilling to compromise with your standards even one bit. Stimulating them in this way, furthermore, sparks a “tension loop” inside their mind. When you challenge someone it creates unresolved emotional tension inside their mind and their emotions. Then, they have to qualify themselves to you in order to release and bring closure to this tension.

Seduction isn’t making someone do what he or she doesn’t want to do.

Seduction is tempting someone into doing what he or she already secretly desires to do. “Nobody has ever told me no before I love it. Finally, a challenge. Let’s get it on.” – Armondo

Copyright 2014

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