Romantic fascination is a primitive, biologically-based drive just like hunger or thirst. The biology of seduction accounts for why we might travel cross-country for a single kiss, or plunge into hopeless despair if our beloved one turns from us. It is the drive for seduction that enables us to focus on a particular person, although we often can’t explain why. The seductive fascination activates portions of the brain with high concentrations of receptors for dopamine, a pleasure-inducing chemical secreted by the brain. We jump from one relationship to another because we are hooked on the intoxication and chemical addiction. Oftentimes, people stay addicted to one another to avoid going through very unpleasant withdrawal.
Among the brain’s many jobs is the role of your body’s own chemist. This is why when we first fall in love; we have a surplus of dopamine. We experience increased energy, less need for sleep or food, and increased focus. What you feel in those early stages of passion is called an addiction. It is important to study the chemical reactions of the body so you can learn to use them in your seduction stages. Oxytocin and dopamine are the yin and yang of bonding and passion. This is your passport to the larger world of seduction.
Everyone seeks pleasure and the best way to do it is by allowing it to happen naturally. Remember, it is the dopamine talking at 2 a.m. when you’ve been talking to your new crush for the past six hours. We tend to idealize our partner, magnify their virtues, and explain away their flaws. This at least gives us a chance to survive, much like the hope we talked about in chapter Secret Magic Ingredient of Hope.
Dopamine: Pain and Pleasure
Dopamine affects brain processes that control movement, emotional responses, and our ability to experience pleasure and pain. This romance potion is what makes us fall head over heels beyond our control. When we are first captivated by love, we experience exquisite delight in the smallest details of the budding relationship. This is the effect that dopamine has on our mental state. The brain likes dopamine. In fact, the brain loves dopamine.
All human emotions can be explained with chemical reactions. When we speak about how great love is, we are speaking of how great the dopamine in our brains feels.
The dopamine neurons are believed to play an important role when we feel rewarded. When you experience pleasurable events—such as tasty food, refreshing water, and good passion—dopamine is released in the nucleus accumbens. It is also released during intellectually stimulating conversations, the enjoyment of another’s good company, and relaxation in a calm atmosphere.
Interestingly, dopamine has a darker side as well. It is released during unpleasant situations, such as those in which you experience some form of pain. Current theories state that dopamine is released whenever something requires your attention or demands a high level of concentration. It also surfaces when you are experiencing something you have never encountered before.
Serotonin and Norepinephrine: Happiness
If there was one chemical you could ideally master and create more of, it would be serotonin, a neurotransmitter that facilitates transmission of nerve impulses. It is produced in the body using the amino acid tryptophan. Release of serotonin provokes the other nerves to fire throughout the body. It helps maintain a feeling of happiness as it travels through the nervous system. People who require a cigarette or cocktail to calm their nerves are, in reality, being pacified by a sudden increase of serotonin in the brain’s “happy spot.” It has been discovered that some foods alter the brain’s behavior, meaning we can be influenced by what we consume. It seems that serotonin is involved, but where and how, we are unsure. Suffice to say, there is some connection between our fine fare and our emotions.
If you want to increase your serotonin levels on an everyday basis, make a detailed list of little things that you enjoy and include them in your routines and activities. This will increase your ability to release more of these feel-good chemicals.
Powerful Subtle Tactile Cues
A successful player in the game of seduction is physical, comfortable touching from the start of a relationship. Act as if touching is a normal thing for you, and the person you are courting will follow your lead. Do not grope, grab or slap. That is rude. Instead, caress, massage and stroke your date with passion. Subtle cues begin with small touches on the hands and arms. This is sure to get their oxytocin hormones pumping. As you progress, play footsies under the table. Take their hand when you walk together. Do it spontaneously—don’t ask.
When using touch to excite your partner, always keep it classy and avoid lewdness. Feeling is an extremely important sense for humans; it provides information about surfaces and textures and is a component of nonverbal communication.
How do we increase opportunities for touch? First we must train ourselves to recognize when and where there is a need. When your partner looks sad, comfort them with touch. When he or she exudes confidence, reassure them with touch. When he or she is excited, encourage them with touch. When he or she is angry, soothe them with touch. Look for opportunities to touch. Walk hand-in-hand or arm-in-arm on everyday errands. When watching television, sit close enough to make contact. Take turns rubbing each other’s shoulders and feet after a long workday. Do anything that brings your body into contact with theirs, and do it often.
Subtle Touch: Everybody is born with the gift of the golden touch. The trick is knowing how and when to touch; how to move; and what to do to make that special someone feel pleasure in every way. Holding their hand and saying something comical or sweet is a good place to start. A great seducer will stay alert and sensitive at all times, waiting for the right opportunity to touch.
Subtle Hugs: The warm anticipation of a hug and a kiss will send chills down your lover’s spine the moment they feel your arms wrap around them. They will feel loved and wanted, and appreciate you more for making them feel this way. Hugging is good medicine. It transfers positive energy and gives both people an emotional boost.
Endorphins: Feel-Good Biochemical
Endorphins are the feel good biochemical and are also known to be natural painkillers. Like serotonin, endorphins are also neurotransmitters. Their release is contingent upon the presence of physical or emotional pain. Some people find the rush from endorphins addictive, and as a result, engage in excessively strenuous exercise. Others may get several tattoos or piercings. Consuming hot chilies is by far the safest, easiest, and tastiest way to get an endorphin rush. Endorphins create a vibe of happiness and well-being.
A hurtful relationship full of emotional pain and turmoil can be addicting, because of the constant release of the endorphins as a natural counter. A person can find him or herself addicted to this relationship and refuse to step back and realize how much it is hurting their soul.
Oxytocin: Physical Connection
To have a healthy long lasting and successful relationship, it is critical to make physical contact from the onset of seduction—a technique referred to as “Kino.” Oxytocin is the hormone best known for helping maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and psychological boundaries with other people. Even a person who never feels like having fun and acts cold can be stirred up by a few well-placed magical touches and the oxytocin that follows.
Oxytocin requires estrogen to work. Without estrogen, it has no effect. Since women have much more estrogen in their bodies than men, results and presence of oxytocin are significantly more noticeable in the female gender.
MEN: do not underestimate how purposed, playful, take-charge touches can make a woman start thinking about you and seeking you. You will have their oxytocin hormones raging, and of course, this will cause your testosterone level to go shooting far into the stratosphere.
Testosterone: Manly Hormone
Testosterone is a gendered hormone. It resides in the hormonal portals of both men and women. It also plays a role in the well-being of both males and females and is linked to the passion drive. In men, it helps determine physical traits.
Whenever testosterone is secreted in great doses, a signal is sent from the brain to the various organs of the body. If you wonder why you are sometimes attracted to the wrong type of person, it may be because you are experiencing higher levels of testosterone. In short, extremely escalated volumes of secreted testosterone stagger your ability to use logic and practice good judgment in many situations.
Unleash the Chemical Cravings
What is the one thing that everyone craves besides food? A relaxing massage! If you can master the rubdown, you can secure yourself an eternal position in the black book of many a lover. Sensual massages help put you and your lover in a passionate mood, a noteworthy skill for any seducer. Massages affect the nervous system by stimulating the release of endorphins, the feel-good chemical.
Massage techniques include long strokes, kneading, friction, tapping, percussion, vibration, effleurage, and shaking motions. The common sequence of techniques is:
Effleurage: Gliding strokes with the palms, thumbs and/or fingertips.
Petrissage: Kneading movements with the hands, thumbs and/or fingers.
Friction: Circular pressures with the palms of hands, thumbs and fingers.
Vibration: Oscillatory movements to shake or vibrate the body.
Percussion: Brisk tapping on desired areas.
Passive and Active Movements: Bending and stretching.
Massage Stimulation Artistry
Royal families and commoners alike have been performing massage artistry for centuries. Massage artistry has evolved into an art form that evokes emotion. For centuries, sensual massage has been a ritual in many cultures from Europe to Asia and beyond.
Massage artistry is a scientific art. Aside from having positive effects on the body, it also alleviates the disturbed and tempestuous soul. It is known to intensify the closeness between lovers..
“While there is no fixed rule to explain seduction chemistry, the law of fascination helps us unravel some of its mysteries. Touching causes the body to release a powerful passionate hormone called oxytocin. Therefore, when you touch them, you are building an emotional connection and physical connection.”
– Miguel Simóne
New experiences satisfy the brains instinctual urge, almost like a thirst or hunger for releasing a pleasure-inducing chemical called dopamine.